In 2007, I acquired a brand-new title that freaked me out: Dad. By this time, I had led and coached small businesses for 10 years, and was beginning to feel comfortable in that role (as much as one can). As for parenting, I knew nothing. And I knew I knew nothing. But lucky for me there are truths I learned through business that have helped me become a better dad:
During my first six or seven years of being a dad, I pointed out to my kids what they were doing wrong. I’m a fan of efficiency. Turns out not everyone in my family appreciates this fine attribute. Turn the lights off! Close the front door! Don’t waste your milk! Then a college buddy told me how important it is to acknowledge my kids when they do something well. I thought, I’m an idiot! I've been doing that exact thing at work – we call it “catching people doing things right” – for more than a decade and I never thought to try it at home.
I switched from Mr. Efficiency, watching every wasteful move, to waiting until they did close the door and then praising them for it. Their eyes light up, they feel proud, and they do it more often. Like adults, when children figure out you notice the good stuff, and they figure it out quickly, they repeat those behaviors. Maybe not always, but certainly more often.
When we hire entry-level team members or take on a few interns, we do so knowing they’ll need a little extra help to learn new skills. Sure, they may come with a resume full of college courses they aced, but they won’t really learn until they get in the pit and do the work themselves. The same definitely goes for teaching kids.
Let’s be honest, it’s painful to watch them try something new like folding their clothes or cleaning up their dishes. They are slow and horribly awkward. But if they are to learn, just let them do it without micromanaging the process. They’ll do things wrong, but that’s okay! Which leads us to Lesson Three…
When coaching my son’s soccer team, I ask a few questions to the players that may surprise you. Who's gonna fail tonight? Who's gonna make a mistake in our scrimmage? At first, they were confused. But now they get it… they know what I’m looking for. When I hear shouts of “me” and “I will”, my response is good for you. If you are bold enough to try new moves, yes, you will fail, but soon you will be better. Not only that, but you’ll improve faster than those who are too afraid of failure to take any risks.
Earl and I had no previous experience, or even a particular interest, in print publications before starting N2. We also didn’t have any outside funding or a board of advisors. We’ve made countless mistakes along our 13-year journey, literally countless. But this lack of fearing failure has helped us be one of the fastest-growing companies in America for more than half a decade, despite all of those mistakes.
The Hixon Children
People perform better when their strengths are highlighted and encouraged. All 1,000 of our team members have different skills in which they excel; skills necessary for us to succeed. We make sure they know it. As a parent, you have to do the same even though you don’t get to choose what your kids are good at.
I've tried to teach my daughter how to throw a football so many times. But even now, after six years of doing my best, watching her throw still reminds me of a baby deer learning to walk – every movement is unpredictable and slightly scary. But that girl is crazy flexible and loves performing, so she excels in dance and we encourage this. My oldest boy is great in math and pretty average at other subjects so we encourage his math skills by pushing him to be even greater in that area. In work and at home, we all perform at higher levels when we know we are good at something.
There are times when kids will say or do things that just aren’t cool. But dealing with these situations can take a lot out of you. It’s easier to pretend not to notice. But we all know that bad behaviors aren’t like wine or cheese – they don't get any better with time, and often get worse.
We need to address the issues right away, which is exactly what we do in the office. If someone is not pulling his or her weight, it's not fair to our top people to have to make up for it. Instead, we address it quickly. So, even if I'm tired, I try to address these situations with my kids sooner rather than later, and definitely sooner rather than never.
Every organization has a reason for existing. And within the best organizations, people are able to tell you their work’s purpose without hesitation. At N2, we put a lot of effort into this, and the same is true for me at home.
My wife and I have five principles we repeat every few months to our kids. They are things we hope will become engrained in their minds and actions. Think about what values and purpose you’d like your children to carry with them. My wife and I know that we don’t “own” our kids. We are responsible for them during their early years, but they will grow up and make their own decisions. So, we try to focus on who we want them to become, not just on what we want them to do.
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